Harry Potter and The Chronicles of Labyrinth
by SuperDuckSauce
Summary: Harry, Ron, and Hermonie have to return to Hogwarts for their 7th year since they missed it fitghing Voldemort. However they soon have to save Nerville after he is kidnapped by a mysterious man claiming to be king of goblins.
1. Chapter 1

Harry Potter and the Chronicles of Labyrinth

Chapter One: Unnamed because I lack naming skills.

(Author's note: sorry in advanced for any grammar mistakes. I was going to get my Grammar Nazi friend to read it over to check for mistakes but then I though "Ah screw it, I'll just let Microsoft do my grammar checking as well as my spell checking." So if there's any horrendous mistakes blame Bill Gates.)

Harry stood over the door step of his abandoned house on Pivet drive. It seemed just as he had a better relationship with his family they left him. With no where else to go and nothing to do after the fall of Voldemort, Harry felt lost. He thought that visiting the places of his past might hold clues but instead it left him depressed and alone. In the middle of his reminiscing he heard the strength and familiar voice of his Aunt Petunia. "Right this way Dudley," she said as she walked through the doors of the house. Dudley followed carrying cardboard moving boxes. Harry turned around to face them. "Oh, Harry, what are you doing here?" Aunt Petunia asked not in her usual coldness but instead in a new friendly tone.

"What are YOU doing here?" Harry replied, "I thought you moved"

"Oh we did" cried Petunia with a grin "but me and Dudley decided to move back now that Moldyshorts (heh heh All That) is gone"

"It's Voldemort and how did you know he was dead? And what happened to Uncle Vernon?" Harry demanded.

"Oh, Right! Harry I forgot to tell you! Vernon and I are no longer married" Petunia replied.

"WHAT!" Harry said shocked.

"Oh yes, I should explain…" Aunt Petunia started to say as Snape walked the door carrying three large boxes. His shoulder length hair was no longer greasy but instead his long raven strands had become luscious and full of shine. They radiated the sweet scent of strawberry shampoo and conditioner. It was hair worthy of being on a L'Oreal commercial. "Oh Harry, This is your new uncle, Severous Snape," Aunt Petunia stated, "I'm sure you must know him though, He IS a teacher at that school you attended." Harry Felt light headed he couldn't make out Petunia or the room any more and soon everything went black.

Harry woke up in the sofa in a half unpacked room. Petunia, Snape, and Dudley were all standing around him. Aunt Petunia cried "Oh Harry! Are you alright? You fainted."

"Yeah," muttered Harry, "but please just explain what's going on."

"Right!" cried Petunia "Okay Harry, Let's see where to start… Well you see we all left when you had to fight the Dark Lord , and Vernon was angry about leaving especially since it was all "witch craft nonsense", I tried to tell him that this was actually serious but he didn't listen. He started to take up the habit of going out every night and drinking. When he came home he was worse then before and would beat me and Dudley. So I decided enough was enough and left him. I was close to the area where I grew up so I took Dudley to see his grandparents. There we met your old professor who was also from the neighborhood. We never used to get along but I knew he was from your world and all so I asked him if the Dark Lord was gone. You know to make sure we weren't in danger any more. And to my surprise he said that the Dark Lord had in fact fallen! We then talked quite a bit after that and we started to see each other. I know it seems rather quick but we decided to get married. And we moved back here."

Harry sat stunned by her story. Though the think that shocked him the most was the fact Aunt Petunia told the story to him in a tone that seemed to say "I love you, nephew". Harry only had one question that burned deep in side of him. "How are you alive, Professor? I saw you die!"

Snape looked at him. He was much paler than before and his eyes were sunken and solemn. They seemed to shimmer with a deep red shine that pierced Harry's soul. His thin face was framed by his shoulder length black hair which was no longer greasy but had a fresh strawberry scent to it. "Harry, please its Uncle Severus now, and I'm a vampire now. Nagini was a vampire snake."

"Sweet," replied Harry, "So do you have any cool vampire powers then?"

"No, but I sparkle in the sunlight," answered Snape.

"Just one more question," Harry said, "What made you marry a muggle. I thought you hated them"

"Only normal wizards hate muggles," Snape said, "Vampire wizards love muggles. Plus you aunt is so much hotter then you mother." Aunt Petunia gave a smug smile.

Just then Dudley slammed through the front door into the room. Harry noticed that he had become very buff, even buffer than He-man. Harry thought to himself "Wow! He must have went through a lot of 80's training montages to get that buff."

"Harry!" Dudley cried and gave him a nuggie, "I knew you were here because you got a letter! See?" He took out a folded envelope and handed it to Harry. Harry reached out and grabbed it. It was from Hogwarts. He could tell by the emblem on the envelope. He quickly opened it. It read:

HARRY POTTER! Just because you saved the world from You Know Who doesn't mean you can skip an entire year of school. You're going back to Hogwarts: School of Witch Craft and Wizardry or I will beat you.

From Professor McGonagall

P.S. Don't think you're alone, Miss Granger and that ginger kid you're always with are going back too.

Harry looked up and said "Son of a Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans." The only reason Harry attened Hogwarts after the third year was because of his love of Dumbledore. He certainly was not looking forward to having McGonagall as a head master because she was a real See-You-Next-Tuesday.

(Author's note: It's not that bad, right? Although, I'm sure my Grammar Nazi Fried is all like "COMMAS DON'T GO THERE!" right now)


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two: The Duds

(Author's note: Went to Harry Potter World in Universal. It was awesome. Now it's story time.)

The next two weeks went by quickly for Harry. Things were a lot better for him at Pivet Drive. His friends were now allowed to visit. In fact Ron and his father were there almost everyday. Arthur Weasley was amazed that he was allowed in a muggle's home and took every chance he could to learn about how the non-magic folks lived. Aunt Petunia seemed to be bothered by his constant questions but continued to answer them in a jolly manner secretly hoping that he would be satisfied and go home for good. Harry and Ron would hang out on their own most of the time but would sometimes be joined by Dudley when his friends were busy. However Dudley would mysteriously vanish all together from time to time. Harry would notice a large search light in the shape of a D when he vanished. The news also told of a masked hero who called himself The Duds. The Snapes and Harry weren't very interested in news though so they threw them out. Little did they know that after every one had left Dudley would sneak back into the room and rescue the article from the trash bin. In fact if any one were to go inside Dudley's room they would find that all four walls had been covered with newspaper clippings of the Duds and that every available space besides the floor and bed were covered with crime reports, The Duds merchandise, and small and easily concealable weapons. In his closet a goldenrod costume hung. It's large crimson 'D' shining into the darkened room. Dudley was The Duds and he was proud of it.

While Dudley used is alter ego to solve crime one day in late august Hermione knocked on the door. Snape came to answer. Hermione looked around and then back to Snape and asked "Aren't you dead?"

"Vampire" Replied Snape.

"I see," Hermione said, "Is this the residence of Harry Potter? I received a letter from him and it said that this was his address."

"Yeah" Snape said, "It is."

"I see," Hermione said examining "I should have probably known that."

"10 points from Griffindor." Snape replied.

"You're not my professor anymore!" She cried angrily back at him and put her hands on her hips.

"50 points from Griffindor!"

"You're infuriating" Hermione cried and pushed Snape out the way and ran into the house. "HARRY!" She cried.

Harry and Ron looked up from their games of checkers and said "Hi Hermione" in a monotone voice at the same time.

"I got your school books so we could skip the whole describe Diagon Alley for 10 pages thing JK Rowling always does" Hermione said happily handing school supplies to both of them.

"What are you talking about?" asked Ron.

Harry got up angrily and yelled "God Hermione! Why the hell did you brake the forth wall?" as he bitch-slapped her in the face. She spun around and fell backwards from the strong him and sat on the floor whimpering for a few minutes.

She got up slowly and said quietly "I just wanted to help".

"Yeah well I didn't want Snape to kill Dumbledore, but guess what Hermione he did" Harry snapped back.

"I said I was sorry!" cried Snape from the other room.

"Whatever" Harry said angstily "We need to pack for school." And he marched away. Ron looked confused and Hermione stared at him as he stomped up the stars with a hurt look in her eyes.

Two days later everyone was at the train station. The Weasleys all were gathered around Ron and Ginny wishing luck during the new school year as Snape chatted with the Malfoys. Petunia had tears rolling from her eyes as she looked longingly at the train. Harry, Ron, and Hermione all cried on the Hogwarts express. Ron and Harry muttered about it being bullshit they had to go back while Hermione took a deep breathe in to enjoy the smell of school. When they were one the train the all found an empty compartment quickly and sat down. Ginny then opened the door. "Hi guys" She said sweetly, "I guess it's a bummer that you guys have to repeat a year but I guess it means we can still hang out right?"

"Yeah" said Harry looking straight into Ginny's bosoms, "you can sit here if you want."

"I have to go," Ginny said awkwardly and giggled "but I was hoping you would let Luna sit with you" She motioned Luna into the compartment.

"Yes, we would be honored," said Harry is a bitter tone.

Ron and Hermione gave him a dirty look and them turned to Luna and smiled. Luna sat down with a wide grin on her face that seemed to stretch from ear to ear. "Thanks guys!" Called Ginny as she ran to another apartment packed with other giggling girls.

The train continued to move and Luna and Hermione argued the existence of Jirteyes while Ron snored loudly with his head pressed against the window. Harry sat thinking of his life like usually does. Then suddenly Dobby appeared in the middle of the compartment and cried out in a loud whisper "NEVILLE HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED!"


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Narnia and Stuff

"Kidnapped!?" the group replied. The four of them exchanged looks to each other and then back to Dobby. All of a sudden the group burst into questions. "Who kidnapped him?" Luna asked.

"Where did they take him?" asked Ron.

"Why would someone kidnap Neville?" asked Harry, "If anyone would be the target for kidnappers it would be me, the chosen one."

"Aren't you dead?" asked Hermione.

"I'm pretty sure I'm not" said Dobby.

"No, you definitely died in book 7, Helena Bonham Carter's character definitely killed you with a knife," said Hermione.

"GODDAMNIT HERMONIE!" yelled Harry, "Will you PLEASE stop breaking the fourth wall?"

"What the bloody hell are you talking about?" asked Ron still confused as ever about what this 'forth wall' business was all about. Harry and Hermione looked at him and said in unison "Um Neville's kidnapping… what are you talking about?"

Ron looked distraught why were his friends confusing him. He didn't like being confused or left out. Harry and Hermione started to question Dobby again about Neville when Luna leaned close to his ear and whispered "Don't worry, my dad said the forth wall is some kind of harmless giant rainbow lizard that makes people's umbrellas break at the most inconvenient time possible". Ron just looked at her in silence with a "a wuuuht?" face and then turned back to Dobby. The house elf was in the middle of a rather long winded spiel about magical flying monkeys and Daughters of Eve. Finally he said "The land is called Narnia. I can open a portal for you four but you must hurry there is no telling what his kidnapper might do to him!"

"Well, we'll just go there and get him then" Harry said.

"Oh no! You mustn't! It's too dangerous!" Dobby squeaked.

"What you just said you can open a portal for us though!" said Ron.

"We fought Voldemort, we'll be fine" Harry said.

"And we have the power of team work!" Hermione added.

Dobby sat there for a while and in turn looked deep into the eyes of each witch and wizard, looking straight into their very souls! (Except for Ron because he didn't have one). Finally he said "I will open the portal, but please Mr. Potter, friends of Mr. Potter, and girl Mr. Potter doesn't really like but is nice to anyway because she scares him be careful!"

With that he waved his and over his head and snapped. A swirly purple portal opened and through it they could see a large forest with a lamp post at its edge. Harry jumped in first. Hermione followed grabbing Ron by the arm as he said "I'd rather not go" Luna was the last into the portal. She thanked Dobby and told him "That wasn't a very nice thing to say about Hermione" before stepping fully in.

The air was cold and the land was snow covered. The light of the lantern dimly lit their faces. They turned to see that the portal had vanished and they began to huddle closer for warmth under the clear night sky.

"What should we do now?" asked Hermione.

"We could ask the goblins over there for help," said Luna as she pointed to a line of goblins not too far in the distance. The group looked at them. There were five marching in a straight line. Their skin was worn and brown like leather and they were not much taller than a house elf. As they marched they softly sung "Where there's a whip, there's a way". The gang ran up to the goblins. "HULLO!" said Luna "Can you help us!?"

The goblins jumped in surprise and started to scramble around and bump into each other. Hermione approached them and asked a bit gentler "Excuse me, but we're trying to find our friend. Could you plea- The largest goblin interrupted adjusting his helmet "Oy! Oy! What's this? Don't know have any manners?! Scaring a small little group of creatures!"

"Sir, we didn't mean to" Hermione said "We are just really worried about our missing friend".

Harry, Ron, and Luna came up behind Hermione and Ron said "I don't think they'll be much help".

The goblin looked angry. "Not any help?" he said. He turned to his comrades who were still getting themselves together, "Get Up! You sorry lot!" he shouted at them. The four got up and stood two on each side of their leader. "I'll show you! Unhelpful indeed! What this bloke look like?" He said asking Hermonie.

"We he's about this tall" she said holding up her hand.

"And black hair and a crooked tooth" said Harry.

"Goes by the name Neville" added Ron.

The Goblins turned to each other and muttered for a bit. "They can't mean the one boss has?" the group overheard one say. "Must be" said another. They continued to mutter and finally they turned to the gang and cried out in unison "Haven't seen him!"


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

They were in a land that looked almost like a holiday greeting card, a lamppost illuminated a small patch of snow surround by immense pine trees. The wind was chill and rustled the branches of the trees so that they made a faint noise not unlike a rattle snake. Clouds were beginning to form in the starry sky promising snow within the coming hours. What would have otherwise been a peaceful scene was broken with the intensity of the tension between Harry Potter and his group of friends (and Luna).

Harry stared down the group of goblins and the group of goblins stared back. "What do you mean by the one the boss has, then?" Harry breathed through his teeth. The goblins blinked and stared wide-eyed at him. "OH LOOK!" one goblin cried pointing towards the trees behind Potter and Pals, "What on Earth is that!?" The group looked but they couldn't see anything in the dark forest. Harry turned back to goblins but they were gone. "Where did they- oh no did we really fall for that?" asked Ron as they looked at the empty earth where the Goblins once stood. "It appears we have," Hermione sighed, "I can't believe it". The group looked around it was clear that plot would go nowhere if they continued to do so. They thought the goblins would have been the driving force of the story but obviously they were gone and a quick survey of the surrounding area showed that they had left no footprints to follow. "What should we do?" asked Harry, "we can't just stand around here forever".

"I guess we should try to find where the goblins went," Hermione suggested. The rest of them nodded their heads and paused, "What way should we go? They didn't leave any tracks," Ron responded. "We can always follow their scent!" Luna said "If only I had the scent-o-vision that came with last month's Quibbler". Hermione and Ron simultaneously made a face that was like the child of a dirty look and an eye roll. "Okay," said Harry a bit annoyed "Since we don't have a smell-whatever and we don't know where the goblins went, we should just pick a direction and go that way and hopefully we can find some food, or shelter, or someone to help us". The group agreed and followed Harry as he strolled to the edge of the forest with clenched fists and wand in hand. They each in turn pulled out their wands as well. The lamppost's light only reached to the edge of the trees but with a muttering of "Lumos" the group was surrounded with a small circle of light from each of their wands turned flashlight. The group wandered what to do next again as the author also wandered what should happen next, maybe I'll make the badger appear, yeah whatever.

As soon as they entered the forest a badger appeared almost as if out of nowhere. It was if the author had picked a fanfiction she hadn't touched in years forgot what she was going because she didn't have an outline and decided to throw in the first Narnia character she could think of so that the plot could progress but can't actually remember anything about the chronicles of Narnia except for a bunch of talking animals and Evil Elsa. "What are you going Daughters of Eve and Sons of Adam?" the badger asked looking at them with a friendly glow in his eyes. "Oh no, we're not Sons of Adam or Daughters of Eve", Hermione stated, "We are the Sons of Satan and Daughters of Lillith, which is to say we're witches and wizards".

"Oh, are ye now?" The badger said tilting his head. "Why is no one questioning a talking badger?" Ron said aloud to himself. "Well Ron", said Harry "You just did, also we're _wizards _we deal with magic shit all the time, like that's some pretty weird shit, and like there are animagus which this guy could be, or like he could have had a spell cast on him, or whatever. It's not the strange, Ron. Stop asking stupid questions, Ron".

"Why don't you make me?" Ron muttered under his breath.

"Maybe I will", Harry retorted. Their eyes met for a moment too long. The badger cleared his throat and then turned to look at it. "Do you want to find your friend or not?" it said.


End file.
